Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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