That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
