I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
