I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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