i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize