I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
