Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
