any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Mom said you looked used
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
