dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
