Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
