who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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