I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
