I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
