I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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