i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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