I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
