Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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