Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
