ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
