She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
