I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
