id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
bring money and cleavage
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
