Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i think i just lost a toe
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
