I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
