C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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