I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
