I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
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