im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
