i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
