oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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