I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
