Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
