'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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