a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
