Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he told me I talked like a deaf person
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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