I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize