im drinking this country out of the recession.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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