I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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