they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
