I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i was born a porn star she said
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
