I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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