My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
