Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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