Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
