it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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