Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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