i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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