One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
