im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
