i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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