Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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