so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
