Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
worst night to have a conscience
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
