you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
