Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
