There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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