We're facebook friends in real life
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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