I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
