good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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