I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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