first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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