Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
