as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
