im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
