loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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