can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
