ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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