You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
