I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
