My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
