so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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