Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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