Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm bleeding and have questions
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
