All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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