you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
