these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
