Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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