I just cut my nipple shaving
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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