the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize