WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
