He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
