remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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