Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize