after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
