why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize