someone threw a dead crab at me
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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