My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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