dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
