ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
