So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize