Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
