I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
