She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
