after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
