Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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