i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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