so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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