sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
