Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
