Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
