Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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