last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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