New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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