I'm lost and stupid without you.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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