but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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